the hot goddess

Circumcision Surprises ~ The Other Midlife Expat Lesson

I’ve been living in Portugal for nine months now and have had first-hand experience, so to speak, with men from two different European countries. I have been surprised to find that, apparently, circumcision is not a thing in Europe.

OK, draw whatever conclusion about this 63-year-old solo woman you want, but my dating and married life in the U.S. always involved circumcised men. Until moving to Portugal, I’d never even seen an uncircumcised penis, except on my just-born son, who was then circumcised before we brought him home from the hospital.

Source: Allure magazine

I shared this discovery — an unexpected piece of “Midlife Expat Learning” that hasn’t fit in my other content — with a single American expat woman I met here. She’s a decade younger than I, still working (a digital nomad), and hasn’t started dating despite having moved here four months before I did. We were cracking up over Sunday brunch at my stories of awkward ignorance and trepidation upon first sighting a “hooded” penis here. More stupid stuff on my part that just didn’t work in my earlier cheeky poem post. I really wasn’t even going to mention this in my blog, lest I give ammunition to the mistaken belief that The Hot Goddess is about the adventures of an old ho. I wasn’t going to go there, but then my fellow American expat sent me this:

Source: Population Health Metrics

Yep. She was so blown away by my experiences that she researched circumcision rates around the world. Wow. A level of immigrating research that hadn’t occurred to me. We both were surprised to learn that 71 percent of U.S. men are circumcised, while men in European countries rarely are circumcised. The stats reflect my…er…hands-on encounters.

This was new to me. I needed to research  practical basics, even though condoms — “preservativos” in Portuguese — always are a must, to “preserve” my health whether a man is circumcised or not.

A draft of this post sat untouched for the longest, but then I met another American expat. A retired teacher and military veteran who has been married for nearly 20 years to a man from a European country. We both have Aquarian birthdays, we both had first careers in business before becoming teachers, and we both have the same sense of humor. Because of this compatibility (and a bottle of sangria), I recently asked her if her husband was circumcised. Nope.

It’s not so much a hoodie as it is a turtleneck pulled up over the head.

And then she continued, “It’s like a turtleneck pulled up over the head, more than a hoodie.” Exactly! And with that, four midlife American women in their late-40s to mid-60s stood in my kitchen in Portugal on a summer weekday afternoon, drinking glasses of sangria and talking about penises, foreskin, and sex. Soon, one woman created a chat group for us on WhatsApp so the conversation could be continued and updated.

I found my tribe in Portugal.

I am grateful to the point of tears for the Portuguese women here who have befriended me. They are kind and smart and helpful. They’re also very conservative as far as behavior and discussion topics are concerned. Recently, I reminded one English-speaking Portuguese friend in her 50s to take time for self-care as she was dealing with a stressful move. She replied, “I’m packing my personal items. Does that count as self-care? Ha ha.” To which I responded, “If they’re a vibrator and a flask, then yes, that counts!” Ugh. That did not go over well. The silence, as the saying goes, was deafening. When I told a 30-something  Swedish friend here about my comment and remorse at opening my big mouth, she simply said, “I don’t understand. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t think that’s funny?”

Oof.

I realized I’d been editing myself as a new expat in Portugal. Some of that editing — of habits, customs, and expectations — is a necessary, perhaps inevitable, part of moving and trying your best to fit in to a foreign country. But I know that personality edits never last. Personality leakage eventually occurs. I’ve been editing my tone in this blog as a new expat too. But connecting with my tribe, while continuing to cherish my lovely Portuguese friends and acquaintances, reminded me that there is no place in my new life here for an edited and inauthentic version of me. Period.

So today I’m posting this about uncircumcised penises in Portugal. Because single and married midlife women are fucking (no edits) and talking about it. Midlife solo expat women who expect to date and have sex with a man or men in their new country may, like me, not have realized uncircumcised penises are the norm in European countries. It’s just one of those new expat things you never even knew to know. Now you know. You’re welcome.

Source: The Cleveland Clinic

Want more information about sex with an uncircumcised partner? Check out these articles by Healthline and Allure magazine.

Thank you for reading. Happy Friday!

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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72 comments

  1. I love this post. First things first: “there is no place in my new life here for an edited and inauthentic version of me. Period.” I quite thatwith emphasis on periodT (in my Tyler Perry voice)!!!!!! Keep on being you in all your discovery-self, penis differential and all 🤭😊🤣🤭😊

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  5. As always, humorous and educational. 😎

    I noticed something when I started having babies in the first decade of 2000. Similar-aged friends of mine aged mid-to-late 30s we’re choosing not to circumcise their baby boys here in Canada.

    I mean, I only have a handful of friends who shared this opinion, I don’t really know what this means for all of Canada for that age group born between 2000 and 2010. But I thought I’d mention it here.

    Also you’re hilarious. 😛 Does this mean you’re back to dating?

    .

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  6. I love the journey of this piece and how you started in one spot, but landed in another, focusing on being authentic in your life and your writing. That’s some great writing Natalie! And, yes, I love your lesson too: “But I know that personality edits never last. Personality leakage eventually occurs.” You’ve gotten me thinking about similar stories from my own life. You need to be you! Good for you. Thanks so much for sharing. (And yes, I did learn a thing or too. Ha ha)🤣🤣🤭🤭🤭😎😎

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    • Brian, thank you so much for commenting! It does feel good to re-focus on who and how I am. I know the younger me could lose sight of that in a doomed quest to “fit in,” but I thought the older version of me had grown past that. A work in progress, I guess. And I love that you learned something and enjoyed the read. Thank you!

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    • Thank you for this comment, Jennifer! I’m glad you appreciate the unedited version 😁. According to the source I referenced, only 31.9 percent of Canadian men are circumcised. It’s really not a big deal at all. Just something I’d never thought about coming from the U.S.

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  8. I think North America (Canada, at least) is turning away from circumcision. When I had my son 38 years ago, my then-husband was adamant that he be circumcised, just like his dad. I remember it being quite a stressful time for me as I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do or not. I also remember being so relieved when next I had a daughter as the whole circumcision debate was going to be a non-issue this time!

    You be you, Natalie! I love your sense of humour.

    Deb

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  9. New to your blog and I think it’s so fun, informative, introspective and thoughtful. This was such a great hilarious read. You don’t really think about this when deciding to move your life to a whole different country haha. I’ve been thinking about moving to Portugal for some time now but it’s a big leap and I applaud you for doing it! Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough and have more motivation but for now I can live vicariously through you. 🙂 I need to find my tribe as well. It’s hard to do and I’m so glad you found yours! I totally get your sense of humor and it’s great that you stay true to yourself always because you should never change for anybody! Thanks so much for writing about your expat experiences thus far and I can’t wait to read more as you go! 🙂

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    • Melissa, you made my day! 💜 Thank you so much for your support and kind words! I’m so happy you found THG and are having fun reading the posts. I love that you get me!! 🥰
      Please know that I am a total chicken about mostly everything. Seriously. I just took one tiny step after another and then, boom, here I was. Believe me when I tell you that if I can do this, anyone can do this! And yes, finding our tribes is crucial and takes time. I’m getting better at embracing and appreciating who I really am…but that, too, is a long journey of baby steps.
      Thank you so much for reading, and best wishes on your journey!

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  10. Ya know weirdly my brother and his partner Earl are both but they chose not to have that done to their adopted son. Uncircumsized could lead to hygiene issues if one doesn’t bathe properly.

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  12. Truthfully, I haven’t seen an uncircumsized penis up close! I remember being told that it was proven to be healthier for men, they experienced fewer infections and instances of other ‘penile’ issues. I took if for granted as a sign of a medically advanced country.

    I did hear that some people were against it because it caused ‘pain and trauma’ to a male baby, but the health aspects seemed to outweigh those issues.

    …and I love this:
    “I really wasn’t even going to mention this in my blog, lest I give ammunition to the mistaken belief that The Hot Goddess is about the adventures of an old ho.”

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    • Oh my gosh, Tamara, thank you!! This “old ho” (🤣😂) seriously did not know what she was seeing the first time. I was wearing contact lenses, which I rarely wear because they dry out my eyes and then my vision is blurred. So I see this uncircumcised penis and was like, “Huh? What the hell?” I started blinking rapidly to try to lubricate my eyes and clear my vision, and surely looked like I was having a seizure. Super sexy! Still couldn’t tell wtf I was seeing, so I moved closer to try to get a better look. Of course, he thought I was moving into oral position. Which was the FURTHEST thing from my mind at that point. OMG. I felt like such an idiot. 😂

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  14. Great post, Natalie, as usual. I really enjoy your authenticity and it is a reminder to embrace my own. I’ve really been thinking a lot more recently about this through conversations with my therapist. It’s interesting just how much we monitor and police our own selves in the interest of being “accepted” by those who have little to no real impact in our personal lives. Thank you for your signature humor too🤪. Love it!

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    • Thank you so much for this, Ann! ❤️ I thought I’d moved beyond policing myself, but apparently not. The desire to be accepted and to fit in is quite strong. I love that you’re talking this through with a therapist. I read Maybe You Should Talk to Someone a few months ago, and was prompted to explore finding a therapist here to help facilitate greater understanding. Nothing has clicked yet, but I’m continuing the search. I appreciate you, sis!

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  15. Thank you for the comedy about the turtlenecks for the little cyclops. Keep that real talk coming; love it.
    stats of my acquaintance: US 100% circumcised (fewer than 100 samples 😉
    UK: uncircumcised (sample not statistically significant)

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  16. Thank you for that. Good information to have. My friend married an American guy many years ago , who was not circumcised. She made him have the procedure and as I understand it was quite painful as an adult. I always thought that circumcisions made it was easier to keep the penis clean and remove smegma that can get trapped in foreskin. Now sure how things would work with oral sex??

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    • Thank you for commenting, Jametta! Yes, definitely very painful as an adult (though probably not on par with birthing a human…just saying). Foreskin hygiene is extremely important!

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  22. Thanks for the heads up, Natalie. Not that I’m going there any time soon but it’s nice to have the data just in case.

    But like everyone else, I love your note about authenticity. You put it beautifully – any need to edit personality always results in leakage. It’s a hard lesson to learn but I think I know now (fingers crossed I don’t have to keep rediscovering this) that if I need to play small in order to be with someone, it’s not the right place for me. I love your bold and beautiful self!!

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  25. This is quite fascinating! And YES to unedited versions of ourselves. The other way is exhausting. I also loved the woman’s response, and I’ll start thinking that way from now on. WHY would you want to be friends with someone who…fill-in-the-blank thing about ourselves 😉

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  26. Natalie, this was too funny…especially your account of wearing your contacts and developing dry eye, blurred vision, blinking rapidly, moving in closer to inspect, etc. Hilarious!!! Having lived in several countries, I can report the following: (1) There are numerous men in the U.S. whose parents did not receive the circumcision memo. I am a couple years older than you and when I was in my 20’s (back in the 1980’s) I had relationships with guys who were as much as 10 years my senior and in most cases they were not circumcised. As a matter of fact, I had only two American partners who were circumcised. (2) My understanding is that in the 1950’s and early 1960’s some women chose to forego circumcision for their male baby if the father was uncircumcised. (3) As you may know, circumcision is a rite of passage in many but not all African countries, but certainly a common practice in West Africa. (4) I can also report that circumcision is common in Turkey, but it’s usually performed when the child is about 7 years of age. Circumcision is rare in Scandinavia and other parts of Northern Europe, Asia, and Latin America, with exceptions being those who practice Judaism and/or Islam. (5) Circumcision rates are declining in the U.S., but if I were of childbearing age and gave birth to a son he would most definitely be circumcised before leaving the hospital. Thank you for sharing. “This above all – to thine own self be TRUE.”

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  30. I am a latecomer to your blog and started reading through a few stories when I came across the circumcision topic, which reminded me of some conversations I had with several American friends in my teens. Me an uncircumcised Brit, and them all circumcised Yanks started several debates on the differences particularly with the girlfriends who shared details of their boyfriends penises and preferences accordingly. I think the circumcision rate in the UK is around 16% with Europe about the same so not surprised you have found a few hoodies. Such an open and interesting article, keep up the good work.

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