the hot goddess

Moving: Going, Leaving, and Coming Home ~ Midlife Expat Learning

Portugal continues to be at the top of best-places-to-retire-abroad lists. This got my attention when I retired in 2019 as a solo midlife woman of 59. I was intrigued by the thought of lowering my living expenses, and the possibility of being able to afford to live on the ocean as a single retiree. The month I spent living in Portugal in 2019 convinced me it was the country for me to move to in retirement. After returning home, I planned to save money and move to Portugal at 65. But when my house sold unexpectedly in late 2021, I realized I could move three years ahead of plan. I’ve been living in Portugal since October 1, 2022, and will continue to share a Midlife Expat Learning post here every other month as I navigate the complex process of immigrating to Portugal.

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’ make it home,
A heap o’ sun an’ shadder, an’ ye sometimes have t’ roam
Afore ye really ’preciate the things ye lef’ behind,
An’ hunger fer ’em somehow, with ’em allus on yer mind.
It don’t make any differunce how rich ye get t’ be,
How much yer chairs an’ tables cost, how great yer luxury;
It ain’t home t’ ye, though it be the palace of a king,
Until somehow yer soul is sort o’ wrapped round everything.

From Home,
By Edgar Guest, 1916

Moving The Things Left Behind

** There’s a list of links to helpful information resources near the end of this article. **

Home sweet home

When I began preparing for my move to Portugal in 2022, I gave away most of my possessions to charities. There was no way I was going to move any furniture, electronics, or appliances overseas, or pay to put that stuff in storage. I sold a custom-designed dining table and my WaterRower. My beloved ebony baby grand piano sold with my house. An antique and art auction house sold several other items. I miss some of those things and it wasn’t especially easy to let them go, but I decided it wasn’t worth the expense and aggravation to ship them.

I do regret selling one of those items in particular, which I could have tried to pack in a suitcase to bring here last month: A museum-quality Benin bronze ceremonial sculpture I splurged on after my divorce, and cheekily dubbed “Richard Head.”

I miss you, Dickhead*.
I’m sorry I left you behind. Home just isn’t the same without you.

*The bronze, not the namesake

After I finished my ruthless purging last year,  I packed everything I could into suitcases. What didn’t fit I stored in my mother’s basement to retrieve when I visited. I took two checked suitcases and a carry-on with me on my first flight to my new home. I shipped five unaccompanied suitcases and duffel bags to Portugal ahead of me in September 2022. I used ShipGo to send the unaccompanied bags, and the company handled all of the paperwork required to avoid paying import duty on my personal belongings (see below).

Source: Washington, D.C., consulate site
Certificado de Bagagem
Baggage Certificate

I learned the hard way that Customs duty and fees on items brought into Portugal from other countries can be significantly more than anticipated. I had a rug made for my lounge after I moved to Portugal. It was shipped from Morocco, which is less than an hour from here by plane. The duty and fees totaled 264€ for just one rug. That equals about $280. That is not the shipping cost. That’s just the tariff. Portugal adds the cost of shipping as a taxable value too. Yikes.

When I visited the U.S. last month, I brought the rest of my belongings back with me in my suitcases on the plane. I had no paperwork and there was no Customs check on arrival in Lisbon’s airport. No questions. No duty.

I flew back to the U.S. with three empty suitcases and one carry-on. They fit inside another so I only checked two bags. I priced airfare to maximize baggage/weight allowance, and chose a fare that included two large checked bags, an overhead carry-on, and an under-seat personal item. Per-bag costs zoom up once you hit three bags.

On my return flight home to Portugal I had three large, heavy checked bags, along with the carry-on and a large tote bag. Instead of checking in online with the primary airline (TAP of Portugal), I checked in at the ticket counter of the U.S. partner airline in my local airport. All of my bags were checked through to Lisbon, with the extra third bag costing half of what I would have paid, in euros, on TAP’s online site. The counter agent also did not charge me anything for my significantly overweight bag. In addition, I was offered a $25 credit to also check my carry-on bag because overhead bin space was expected to be limited on the full flight. All bags arrived at the airport in Lisbon without incident or damage. For me, checking in in person at the airport ticket counter, and not online, was the way to go.

At the airport in Lisbon, just as with my flight a year ago, I wound my way through the passport check line. This time, though, I admit I had a ‘lil I’ve-got-my-resident-card-now-’cause-I-LIVE-here swagger as I happily showed the agent both my U.S. passport and my Portugal resident card (as I also had to do when I left Portugal for the States). The passport agent didn’t ask me a single question. I was a tad disappointed because you know I was ready to show off my Portuguese language skills. I then headed to baggage claim, where all my bags were already on the carousel. After precariously loading them onto a luggage cart, I tentatively swerved my way through the Nothing to Declare line at Customs, which, just like my arrival last year, was not manned. Easy-peasy.

Losing Baggage Finding Self

I didn’t lose a single suitcase, and all my things — many of them fragile — made the trip overseas intact and without a scratch. This part here isn’t about losing that kind of baggage. 

"We automatically think in familiar ways derived from past memories. We can learn and change in the state of pain and suffering, or we can do it in the state of joy and inspiration."

From Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Joe Dispenza
Finding peace and inspiration

Yeah…so…this is the touchy-feely part. This is about losing emotional baggage. The kind nobody sees but you feel the immense weight of as you continually drag it around. Weight that gets in your way and stops you from doing things. Weight that makes you tired, doubtful, afraid, and just downright disagreeable depending on the triggering circumstance.

Pre-Portugal: Me, weighted down with emotional baggage.

Source: Posted on tamarakulish.com
Post-Portugal: Me, not so much.

Source: 50forwardclub.com

My first visit back to the United States last month was a revelation. It was a surprise to realize I’ve changed the way I relate to some folks because my thinking has changed. Moving alone to a new country has made me a better person when dealing with certain people in my birth country. I am now moving into my second year in Portugal, having unpacked or lost some (not all) of the old emotional baggage that had impeded my personal goals. Look, this ain’t no Eat Pray Love scenario. But it is becoming less of the Drink Swear Fuck trauma-response I was used to.

I guess distance and space and time can do that — but only if they’re used to put in the tough work that’s necessary. Somehow, without my realizing it, that hard unpacking work started to make a difference. Actual compassion, and maybe even forgiveness, sneaked in undetected and replaced resentment and anger. I am shocked happy to say I found myself almost automatically implementing Marshall Rosenberg’s tenets of non-violent communication during my trip back to the States. Rosenberg’s powerful focus on viewing the actions of others in the context of understanding their unmet needs has been an elusive goal for me. I wrote about my efforts here, pre-Portugal. It was encouraging — and, oddly, also exhausting — to recognize emotional movement in the right direction. Losing baggage has never felt so good.

For those of you contemplating or planning a move to another country, I encourage you not to overlook the possibility of unexpected emotional growth. The logistics of complex feelings and thoughts are just as critical to a successful expat move.

Helpful Information Resources

OK, enough on self-help (for now). I’ll end with this list of information resources I found helpful for the logistics of moving personal belongings:

Stay Tuned

Moving to another country is a complex process, and information can change quickly without notice. Everyone’s experience can be different. I’m remembering to take it all in stride, stay flexible, prepared, pivot-ready, and positive. Stay tuned. Thank you for reading!

This is what “until somehow yer soul is sort o’ wrapped round everything” looks like. ❤️
2023 Midlife Expat Learning Posts

January/February: SEF immigration appointment

March/April: SEF immigration troubleshooting

May/June: Language classes

July/August: Healthcare

September/October: Moving personal belongings one year later

November/December: Holiday-ing as an expat

All images are my own.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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52 comments

  2. I wanna be just like you when I grow up. 🙂

    I have, since you announced your move to Portugal, met half a dozen Canadians in my orbit who are contemplating a move to Portugal. AND…two America blog followers – recent retirees – are going on vacation to Portugal this year (now) to contemplate a move there.

    This has me thinking you better be careful about your location because it sounds like you might be overrun by North American tourists in the not too distant future… and possible too many new residents right in your ‘hood. (lol)

    It sounds amazing, how you planned the whole luggage thing and ended up with minimal issues. My sister and a friend of hers dealt with baggage issues (lost, diverted) several times in the last year… nice to see the planets aligned for you.

    Anyway, don’t bother clicking on my website, it’s under construction, I fucked something up and I don’t feel like fixing it till later today…but so nice to read you!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    • Ha! Thank you, Claudette 😁. You are an inspiration with all you are doing. Damn, girl!
      And yes, you’re right about Portugal and the Silver Coast attracting more and more North Americans…sigh…

      Here’s to more planet-aligning! 🍷💫

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  3. Thanks for this return to Portugal romp, Natalie. The post is educational, emotionally intelligent, profound and funny. Quite a great combination. Hope you’ll check out my Falling in Love memoir piece from the end of September. Obrigada, Rebecca

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  5. Geez out of everything read Dickhead just comes to the forefront. Somehow you having that doesn’t surprise me one bit, maybe you will find the Portuguese version of Dick Head 🤣

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  6. “For those of you contemplating or planning a move to another country, I encourage you not to overlook the possibility of unexpected emotional growth.”

    I experienced this too when I moved from Canada to the US. I think not having the same people get on me negatively, and having that emotional freedom allowed me to finally heal and grow in ways I wished to. People say there is no geographical cure from our troubles, but sometimes there really is! Moving really can facilitate growth, I guess since the same triggers aren’t there, which gives us breathing space. I can be compassionate now towards my mother, whereas before I needed to cut her out of my life. Now I can see her as the unhealed, damaged person she is, who keeps alienating people around her. That was so helpful to be able to stop taking what she would say and do so personally.

    I’m so glad your move to Portugal has worked out so well for you on so many levels. Glad to see you living a life of no regrets and being able to just ejoy life!

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. OMG! Your hilarious and you are a great inspiration for my move to Portugal. Hoping to give less” fucs” like you alluded to. Great post!
    Its Joe not Jor as my last response said. Fat fingers I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Hi Natalie,
      Every time you share your journey…it is so very helpful. I want to say Thank You for opening my eyes. Seeing things from a different perspective.

      The thought of traveling light and leaving the baggage behind, just feels like right. Besides, my stepfather once said, “when you leave this world, none of it will matter because you can’t take it with you”.

      Muito Obrigado

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. Thanks for all the helpful tips and tricks Natalie. They will be very helpful if I ever take action on the idea of moving abroad. Meanwhile, I’m happy that your move has helped you let go of some emotional pain and baggage. It seems you’re in a very good place, inner and outer.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • So awesome,! I’m ready “dickhead”and all. It’s so interesting and educational with different cultures and what we gravitate to in different cultures. I’m soo excited to build new connections and social life away from the insanity that is unfortunately America.. it’s sad… But excited to live my life unicombertered. We in general have 900 months of life as American male. That’s and insane short period… Bless your message and I encourage all to do something incredible in there short life!!
      Joe

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  10. Thanks for the luggage tips! With the golden visa and the tax relief for moving retirees possibly ending perhaps it will slow the influx of folks moving to Portugal. Crossing fingers they keep some part of it

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. How did you part with “Richard Head”? You truly are the queen of letting go. 😂 I admire you! For many reasons. 😊 You are most certainly the queen of adventure and organization. I like to take my time with your posts because they are so rich in information, resources, inspiration, beauty, and humor. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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  12. Wonderful post, Natalie! I am so glad that your move to Portugal has brought you so many wonderful things! Leaving things behind and letting go is difficult, but you did it! Portugal definitely agrees with you because you look fabulous!!

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  14. Enjoyed this post,as always. I think distance gives one perspective and time to reflect. The physical distance also means we don’t have to deal with day to day minutiae that goes with maintaining family relationships. Which are always most complicated for me. I never had better family relationships than when I lived out of state. When you are visiting you get the highlighted version of family life which was perfect. for me. 😅🤣😂

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  15. What a great post about baggage – real and emotional. I loved this transition, ” This part here isn’t about losing that kind of baggage.”

    What an amazing transformational journey you are on. You write about it so well and with such great perspective that it’s an honor and very insightful to be able to come along. Thank you!

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  16. Love the losing emotional baggage part. And I totally relate to this “realize I’ve changed the way I relate to some folks because my thinking has changed.” Keep smiling and creating lovely memories in your new home, Natalie! ❤

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  17. I can count on you for a chuckle! Some of your quotes are very funny. Oddly though, I related to your blog post in my own way. When I moved from New Jersey to Arkansas, there was a lot (I mean A LOT) of emotional baggage I had been carrying around. Yet, when I arrived off the plane in Arkansas, some of the baggage started falling off my back. One clothing item at a time. Maybe it was the new smell in the air. (hay, cows, and chickens). Or maybe it was the fact that strangers waved and smiled. Or maybe it was the slow pace of the entire region as if EVERYONE was walking in slow motion – except me, of course! Nat, you have such a knack for creating opportunities of introspection for others to contemplate. Thanks!! And, keep practicing your Portuguese!! Ruth

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    • LOL, you know that’s exactly why I bought it! 🤣 🤩🍆

      In other news…I finally figured out a workaround to get your book here in Portugal. Amazon US Kindle Edition. Yay! (Duh, Natalie) Downloaded last night and can’t wait to start reading. So inspired by you, Kathy! 🙌🏾💜

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      • Eek! I would’ve sent you a copy, girl! I was told it was worldwide. Not sure why some countries cannot get it 🙄

        And thaaank you ❤ I appreciate you saying that. We inspire each other 💕

        And as for your statue LOLOL

        Liked by 1 person

      • No, you’re right. In Search of a Salve is available on Amazon Spain, but Amazon wouldn’t let me pre-order from Portugal for some reason. A digital download is better for me anyway, since the Pony Express 🐎📬 delivery to my village address here is an issue 🙄😖. Looking forward to reading! ❤️

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