the hot goddess

A Guide to Expat Stages for the Midlife Solo Immigrant

Two years ago today, my residency visa application was forwarded to the Embassy of Portugal for processing. Four weeks later, my application was approved, opening the door for my move to Portugal as an American expatriate and immigrant in October 2022.

This is the life of my dreams here, overlooking the ocean on the Silver Coast of Portugal. It is not always easy as an over-60 solo retiree living in a foreign country. It’s amazing, empowering, and frightening — sometimes all at once. I’ve cycled through various expat stages, and it helps to realize that they’re all a normal part of this journey of change.

Exuberant Expat

You are over-the-moon with the first visa approval while still in the United States. So much work, time, and effort to meet the visa application requirements, and then, finally, you receive the official go-ahead you’ve been hoping for. There’s more exuberance in Portugal after immigration approvals and receipt of the all-important residence card.

Exhilarated Expat

When your feet first touch ground in Portugal, you are elated. The exhilaration continues as you pass through Passport Control and breeze through Customs at the airport. Then again when you open the door to your new house for the first time, greeted by a spectacular view of the sea.

Excited Expat

In the early weeks, you are excited and eager to absorb, discover, and fit into a new culture in a new country. You’re rarin’ to go and take Portugal by storm, learning as much as you can about your new home country, and super-motivated to meet people and learn the language. You are everywhere, trying your hand at speaking, listening to, and understanding Portuguese. Like The Little Engine That Could, you spend each day chugging merrily along to the mantra, “Acho que posso. Acho que posso.”

Excessive Expat

All that excitement may sometimes cause you to be a bit…um…much. You really want to meet people, make friends, and be liked. You know that as an introvert, you could easily be right at home as a recluse by the sea, but that wouldn’t be good for your long-term mental health. So you become a “Bom dia!”-ing, “Sou a Natalie”-ing, gift-giving pest enthusiast. And that’s OK. It works.

Exposed Expat

Eventually, it hits you that you really don’t know shit. You are vulnerable and alone and not the badass you thought you were. Yeah, it’ll happen. The first language class. First medical issue. First phone call from a non-English-speaking delivery person. First visit to a non-English-speaking hair salon for haircut and highlights. Exposure of ignorance can happen at any time and many times over multiple cycles. But it gradually decreases in severity and duration. Trust me.

Exhausted Expat

Excitement is emotionally exhausting. Exposure is mentally exhausting. Constant bombardment with the unfamiliar and unknown is just plain exhausting. Feeling overwhelmed is to be expected, especially when relocating solo, without a partner for support. And then there’s the physical exhaustion of walking everywhere if you don’t have a car. Do not underestimate Portugal’s steep hills and cliffs, especially when toting bottles of, er, groceries. You will be exhausted but fit AF. There will be recurring bouts of this good and bad exhaustion. Listen to your body and make self-care a priority.

Exasperated Expat

Count on periods of being confused, bewildered, irritated, and impatient with bureaucracy and customs in your new home country that you so want to love. You will turn into a vexpat. Yep. The bank. The post office. The utility companies. The tax office. The immigration agency. You will become irritated with and frustrated by the seemingly endless layers of bureaucracy here. It’s a given. A part of life here. Just expect it and remind yourself of all that there is to be grateful for in this beautiful, safe, and affordable country. Remember to breathe, stay calm, and remain polite as you continually troubleshoot.

Extant Expat

You are still here. Still standing. Despite the highs and lows and uncertainty, you’ve survived this monumental change by yourself. Two years in and still happy and excited to wake up in your chosen home. Life is good.

Would I go through all of this again? Claro! Pois! Every stage of the expat experience has helped me grow and thrive in midlife. Every stage has taught me something about myself. About my capabilities…my boundaries…my courage. And I’m not done yet! Are you?

Thank you for reading!❤️ May your weekend be filled with moments of gratitude, contentment, resilience, and joy.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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35 comments

  8. I feel this, especially the introverted thing.

    Hey, I actually didn’t realize you’re an introvert, as it doesn’t come across that way when I read you, but most writers are by degrees, at least a lot of the time, right?

    Anyway, fun to read your posts. 🙂

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    • Thanks so much for reading, Claudette 💜. Oh yeah, I’m definitely an introvert whose energy is drained by groups of people. I’m not shy, but stick to one-on-one interactions if I can help it. I force myself to attend group functions, and then need a couple days to recover from too much peopling. #introverthangover 😬

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  9. Love this! Great animations! Did you find them online or is there an app to customize them? Love that you’re loving your life!

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  12. You have such a gift for being clever while being informative. Reading this makes me think that these stages apply for almost all exciting changes. Let’s hope we all get to the Extant stage… 🙂

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