the hot goddess

Slow and Soft in Midlife

Let’s look at that headline again. At first, one might assume it’s referring to the natural progression of decline as we age. With the passing years, our bodies begin to move more slowly. The way we walk, run, ride a bike, dance, or even just get out of bed can slow due to age-related aches and pains. Perhaps the mind becomes slower too. Not as quick at uploading new information and downloading old memories. And then there’s the softening of once-hard body parts and used-to-be-firm skin. Yeah, there’s all of that. But that’s not what the headline is about.

We’ll circle back to this little number later.

What I’m talking about is some social-media-speak hoo-ha. Apparently, living a “slow life” and enjoying a “soft life” is having a hashtaggy moment. I’m thinking this trend du jour is the opposite of living a fast, hard life, no? I’m also thinking that retirement in Portugal overlooking the ocean should be the poster child for living and enjoying the hell out of a finally slow and not hard life. And let me tell you, I have mastered that shit. I am slow and soft AF.

Which brings me to my perplexity when folks ask me what I do all day. “Don’t you get bored?” Fuck no. “How do you keep busy?” I’m sorry, do you not understand what “retired” means? “Why don’t you start a side hustle?” What the hell?

I am not a lazy person. I have worked hard most of my life. College graduate. Two Master’s degrees. Corporate VP. Entrepreneur/business owner. Single mother. Boards of directors. Volunteer. Public school teacher. Adjunct college professor. University teaching programs advisor and mentor teacher. Assistant caregiver. Over-60 whiskey distillery apprentice. And don’t get me started on my real estate renovation and repair work. I have spread five cubic yards (about seven tons) of river rock in a backyard landscape — by myself. I have removed and installed toilets — by myself. I know a ball cock and what to do with it, baby. (And not just the plumbing variety, obvi.) I’ve put the D in DIY reno projects on six properties. So, no, I am not naturally a lazy person.

But now? Honey, I am through with that mess. I do one thing that involves leaving the house or interacting with other human beings, and I am done. If I have a day “packed” with three people-interacting things, I feel as if I’ve climbed Mount Everest. Backwards and blindfolded. Even when staying home, I have a relaxed schedule of no more than seven to-do items. And two of those are always “Nap” and “Happy Hour.”

“Write,” “Read/Research,” “Yoga/Walk/Exercise,” “Piano Practice,” “Photography,” and “Portuguese/German/French Study” round out this super-sloppy schedule. That’s it. That is all the hustle I care to do. And it is quite a hustle at times, thanks to that normal, age-related slowing and softening crap.

And this brings me to my perplexity at the continuing interest and adoration of my wonderful German boyfriend. Wonderful in many ways. Not just his you-know-what. I’ve learned that Germans will run a fucking 42km marathon and then come home and install new brakes on their car, rototill their garden, and chop a cord of firewood, all before breakfast, just to get warmed up for the rest of their hyper-ass day. I love BF, and despite my deliberately slow and soft living, he loves me. He says he loves my curiosity, positivity, intelligence, humor, and openness. Plus some X-rated stuff. It is downright shocking to me that we have been together for nearly two years.

We still celebrate our mensiversary — a word that doesn’t exist in any U.S. dictionary as far as I can tell, but we use it because his seven years of Latin classes during schooling in Germany will not let him use the term “monthly anniversary.”

When I use mensiversary, it sounds like I should be talking about the anniversary of starting my period. Or, maybe the anniversary of stopping my menses. Which is a date I’m supposed to be able to recall at 65, according to the doctors here who insist on asking me when I had my last period. Are you kidding me? Ask me when I had my last UTI… or orgasm… or glass of wine. I can tell you exactly when those things last happened. ‘Cause we’re likely talking days (maybe hours) here; not decades.

My mind is too slow and soft now for downloading minutiae from another decade. Nah. I’m too “busy” thoroughly enjoying my #slow-life and #soft-life here on the Silver Coast.

Speaking of keeping busy, my language-learning coloring book of idioms has a German edition now. The featured image for this article is from the coloring page for a German idiom that means “I don’t care.” But ChatGPT created the image holding some dildo-looking object. Soft much? I don’t care. Or perhaps it’s a giant tampon, and she can’t remember her last menses. Oh well. I don’t care.

Just like with the Portuguese version of my AI-assisted coloring book, I have my German idiom favorites too.

Literal translation: You’re getting on my cookie.

Meaning: You’re getting on my nerves.

Application: For people who keep asking me what I do all day.
Literal translation: To be fixed and ready.

Meaning: To be exhausted.

Application: When I have more than three outings in a day.
Literal translation: That’s not my beer.

Meaning: That’s not my problem/not my business.

Application: Use daily for everything.

What do you think? Can you relate to any of these? Do you have a favorite?

Thank you for reading ❤️! I hope your weekend is slow and soft in all the right ways for you.

How I
Spend my
Time

#retiredAF-life

All images are my own.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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39 comments

  2. I’m loving all that has to do with the soft and slow life, although I’m still a few years from full retirement age. I no longer look for challenging jobs where there’s opportunity for growth. Nope, don’t want either. I have a job that’s easy for me, and I love it. My side gigs that I’m interested are things I can do occasionally and not get burnt out on them, just do them for enjoyment. Yes to soft and slow!

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  3. So fun to read this! 😂

    I too keep getting asked when my last period was, mostly by male doctors. As if it was an on/off switch. 😵‍💫

    Newsflash: it was not. Besides, I can name multiple times during an entire DECADE when I thought I was done. Know what I mean? (Of course you do).

    PS: German is my mother tongue. 🇨🇭

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  4. I absolutely adore you!!!!!!!!!! You are the inspiration I needed right here, in this very moment as I’m literally preparing for my birthday as the start to my plan for living that same life in no more than five years…..in portugal. I’ll even be there in a month checking out different cities and towns to decide where I’ll want to live. All this to simply say, thank you!!!!! Farah Bernier Check out coaching options: http://www.FarahBernier.com http://www.farahbernier.com The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark. ~Michaelangelo

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  6. I always love your musings, Natalie.
    Which brings me to my perplexity when folks ask me what I do all day. “Don’t you get bored?” Fuck no. “How do you keep busy?” I’m sorry, do you not understand what “retired” means? “
    I never know how people get bored! 💕

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  7. When the person who is asking you how you’re keeping busy shows you their award handed to them by the President of the United States for excellent teaching, then they have a cookie to stand on. It’s not their bier to ask. You earned your rest!

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  8. Another great post. From one retiree to another, I completely understand. As an example in my own life, I hate leaving the house…but I love leaving the country!

    Cheers, stay fabulous!

    Cynthia

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  10. My wife and I retired around the same time. I always laughed at the two most common questions we got when we first retired:

    What do you do all day?

    Are you getting on each other’s nerves yet?

    It strikes me as curious how some people put their own expectations on others about what they should be doing in retirement. I like being busy but not to the point that it feels like I’m still working full-time. Been there, done that.

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  11. I was pleased you touched on something that has irritated me during my retirement. People still employed did indeed start asking me what I did all day which would be OK if they were strangers. But they were family and friends who used a dismissive tone. Do you care or were you listening? I just served as juror on a murder trial for four weeks. I am babysitting your kids. If that were easy, you would do it yourself. Read my Christmas Newsletter.

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  13. Love your How I Spend My Time slide show, Natalie. And I’m still laughing about, “If I have a day “packed” with three people-interacting things, I feel as if I’ve climbed Mount Everest. Backwards and blindfolded.”

    Good for you! Slow is aspirational for me at this moment but I love that you made the target look so beautiful and fulfilling!

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  14. I can totally relate to your post, Natalie. These questions, “Don’t you get bored? … How do you keep busy? … Why don’t you start a side hustle?” Why people ask these things to retirees is beyond me. The images are pretty awesome, as always.

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  15. Hello:
    Like you, I am a teacher who is approaching 60. I plan on retiring. I will have a pension and Social Security. I’m not wealthy, but I figured I could have a better life in some country in Europe given the state of America right now.
    I had thought that I was going to return to Portugal. I have my EU passport as well as my US one.
    I’m not really a beach person so I’m looking at Coimbra or Northern Portugal.
    Are you worried at all about the recent changes to the Portuguese government? Obviously, I am EU citizen so that protects me a bit but the loss of the recent tax benefits and so forth I just wasn’t sure if you have any concerns.
    Thanks,
    Brenda Leahy
    Sent from my iPhone

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    • Hi, Brenda, and thank you for reading THG. Yes, there have been steady changes in Portugal’s immigration regulations and processes, starting in 2020 with changes to NHR tax rates. It’s so important for anyone considering a move to another country to stay informed about politics and history, become knowledgeable about relevant trends in the greater region, and develop a back-up plan. Nothing happening now was a surprise to me, and I continue to tweak my plan. That said, I’m very happy I moved here when I did in 2022. I’d be concerned if I were planning to move in 2026, when it undoubtedly will be a more challenging endeavor.

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