Warning: Dear Readers, if the title isn’t enough of a giveaway, know that this post is about so-called “private parts” of aging women. Because THG doesn’t shy away from profane language, you’ll find that in this post too. If your knickers get knotted when reading frank talk about women’s bodies, then this is not the post (or blog) for you.

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It’s been a while since I wrote a poetry post, and recent events have inspired me to try my hand at it again. I’ve also recorded my second poetry reading, if you care to listen to the audio version. Don’t have it on speaker if your grandkids are in the car.

Audio Recording

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So I went to see this doctor the other day.
But I wasn’t really sure of all she tried to say,
Because she spoke Portuguese at a very rapid pace.
And then, in impatience, waved her hand in my face.

When I say I was in shock, I mean I couldn’t believe it.
Her languages listed English, but that was just bullshit.
I tried hard to keep up, but I really just could not.
Trying to tell her my concerns took everything I got.

She’d kept me in the lobby for an unusually long wait.
Because she was running more than 55 minutes late.
No formality… No nicety… No apology came.
She was just rude and thought my A2 Portuguese was lame.

I talked about post-menopause stuff — UTIs and HRT.
I said I’d stopped hormones, fearing they weren’t right for me.
At that, she grimly grimaced, like the onset of angina.
Then shrieked at me: “But you forgot about your VAGINA!”

This medical pronouncement struck me as not at all sublime.
For my vagina, of course, is top of mind all the time.
“Who TF does she think she is, pulling this stunt?”
“Forgot my vagina, huh? Well, I’ll remember this c*nt!”

She suddenly asked me what country I was from.
When I was puzzled, she looked at me like I was dumb.
“País! País! País!,” she shouted the word for “country."
This Portuguese word threw me… since we’d been talking pussy.

I tried to talk with her about my discomfort and pain,
But all she did was wave her hand in my face again.
“That’s because you forgot your VAGINA!,” she repeated in a huff.
And by then I’d had it up to here with her bitchy-ass rebuff.

I’ve had many great experiences with doctors here.
Healthcare in Portugal has been excellent, accessible, and clear.
But my advice to women seeking doctors here for care down there?
If she has lots of appointments open, you should look elsewhere.

All I’d wanted was medical advice about what to do,
To prevent my ailments with a prescription or two.
But I would’ve had more luck scaling the Great Wall of China,
‘Cuz all this doc did was blame me for forgetting my vagina.

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I did not take this crappy treatment lying down. As I’ve noted, nothing improves my spoken Portuguese fluency like getting pissed off. I ended up receiving the prescriptions I needed for medications that are right for me and my common post-menopausal issues. Far from forgotten, my 65-year-old vagina and I are taking care of business every day. In Portuguese. In English.

And in German 😉.

Thank you for reading ❤️! Cheers to a weekend of being heard and getting what you need wherever you are.

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While on the subject of my private parts, I want to again thank Dina Alvarez and Dina Aronson for including me as a contributing writer in Midlife Private Parts, a collection of 28 essays by midlife women writers. A Zibby Most Anticipated Book of 2025, Midlife Private Parts is published by Regalo Press and distributed by Simon & Schuster. These essays will have you laughing and crying. And, yeah, there is mention of pussy.

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All images are my own, except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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