the hot goddess

(Still) Trying to Speak Portuguese in Midlife

When I retired in 2019, I celebrated retirement and my upcoming 60th birthday by taking my first solo trip — a 70-day journey around the world with just one carry-on bag. The third country I visited on this trip was Egypt. There, I met a 5-year-old Egyptian girl who, after finding out I was a recently retired teacher, asked me how many languages I spoke. When I told her I was fluent in only one language, she recoiled in shock and disgust. “What?!,” she shrieked. “I speak English, Arabic, French, and I’m learning Greek!” I promised that kindergartener, and myself, that I was going to remedy my embarrassing language deficit in retirement.

Sailing on the Nile in a felucca at sunset in 2019.

Fast forward to today. I’ve lived in Portugal for more than three years, since October 2022, and I’m still at an A2 beginner level of Portuguese. I’m also studying-ish German (aber ich nicht spreche sehr gut) and semi-trying on occasion to re-learn French (mais pas vraiment). Let me tell you, this is a messy threesome to be screwing around with at nearly 66, but I do love me some BDE…Big Diction Energy. And, I’m determined to keep that promise I made six years ago.

I am continuing to make progress. I’m now forgetting Portuguese words I used to know at the same rate I’m forgetting English words I used to know. I’m remembering not to embarrass myself with inappropriate language — mais ou menos (more or less). A single letter can send you to hell. Bica is the Portuguese word for one of those miniscule thimbles cups of coffee served here. Bico is a Portuguese term for giving a blow job. I learned this the hard way, so to speak. I’ve learned that “excitado” is not the Portuguese word to use for “excited.” For two-and-a-half years, I was telling Portuguese-speaking folks in my village how happy and excited I was to be living here. “Estou muito feliz e excitada ser aqui!” Turns out the word I should’ve been using all this time is “entusiasmada.”

“Excitada” or “excitado” means horny. 

That. Explains. So. Much.

I’m now forgetting Portuguese words I used to know at the same rate I’m forgetting English words I used to know.

The Hot Goddess

I’m still earning “good try” and “almost there” from my AI bot buddies during my de-motivating Portuguese practice sessions.

How do you say “She said to fuck off” in Portuguese?
I know that one.

Source: Memrise app

But, at least I can ask a “good question.”

Source: Memrise app
Source: THG coloring book, illustrated by ChatGPT

If I could just settle down, practice more, and focus consistently instead of viajar na maionese (traveling in the mayonnaise) — a Portuguese idiom for daydreaming or having one’s head in the clouds — I know I would make better progress.

Until then, I’m encouraged and excited when Americans here think I’m Portuguese or Brazilian and ask me — in broken Portuguese — if I speak English. “Fala inglês?” is the one thing all English-speakers learn to say before we even land in Portugal. I’ll get this inquiry after an American overhears me speak a phrase or two in Portuguese; so, now that I think about it, this could indicate that my Portuguese is so shitty even foreigners know it can’t be my native language. Damn. A Brazilian waiter in Lisbon once said he thought I was Brazilian when we conversed in Portuguese, but he was likely just trying for a big gorjeta (tip).

I was also entusiasmada when my (tall and quite handsome; just saying; but I’m spoken for) Portuguese dental assistant was stunned I’d “only” been here three years. “She’s American! Listen to her speak Portuguese! She’s only been here three years! And she’s American! That’s incredible!” The incredulity, of course, was because folks from the United States and England are widely (and correctly) viewed as ignorant and muito arrogant when it comes to learning a foreign language. When I met my German boyfriend two years ago and we spoke in Portuguese on our first date, he responded, “That’s not bad for an American.” He, having attended school in Europe (not England), speaks four languages. I was entusiasmada by that. And excitada.

How can one not be inspired to learn the language of this beautiful country, wherever one is from? Vou continuar a tentar. (Probably a “nice try” at stating, “I’m going to continue trying.”)

A morning walk on “my” bonita (beautiful) beach this week. I walked six miles that day. You can see why I get distracted from focusing on my Portuguese grammar lessons, right?
Boyfriend captured this glimpse of yesterday’s Super Moon at his house before clouds and rain blew in for the night. It seems like each time we have a full moon, I can’t see it because of rain.
(Parece que cada vez temos uma lua cheia, eu nao posso ver porque chuva.) Yeah, yeah. Another “nice try.”


Thank you for reading! ❤️ Wishing you a juicy weekend of learning, communicating, and enjoying whatever excites you.

All images are my own except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

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30 comments

  1. I tried to read your post without laughing, Natalie. I made a nice effort and a good try. I almost did it but you are a laugh riot! I only speak one language and I am impressed that you created an entire language with all the words you have invented.

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  2. I love your posts; I usually get a good out loud guffaw or two. I admire your persistence to learn new languages; I know the struggle. I’ve been taking Ukrainian classes for 3 years now but feel the struggle to speak it. More recently I’ve turned my Netflix time into more educational viewing by choosing to watch Ukrainian or French dubbed films and series. French is easier for me and trying to get the ear accustomed to hearing all the individual words and then learning to understand them is a challenge.

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    • Thank you so much, Tamara! ❤️ I’m happy you get a laugh reading THG. I admire you. Ukrainian is not easy to learn. I had a non-English-speaking child from Ukraine in my class when I was still teaching. He learned English at warp speed while I had to rely on Google Translate the entire year.

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      • English is an easier language to learn. My father learned it by reading the comics when he came to Canada. Other people around the world learn it from movies and TV. Meanwhile learning a Slavic language where there’s not only masculine and feminine in norms, but 7 different cases that have no link to English is challenging to wrap one’s mind around.

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    • Obrigada, amiga! ❤️ Jetpack/WP is giving me fits. My comments and replies take multiple attempts before they publish. Constant error messages when uploading images too. Reader takes forever to refresh. Such a pain. This is second attempt to post this reply. First attempt just showed a spinning green circle for 3 minutes. Same with my other replies. Taking forever…

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      • So sorry to hear that. So frustrating! Have you changed your WP password in the last month? I find that clears a lot of gremlins. WP is such a big fish on the internet there are lots of remora that work to seize onto it.

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  5. You’re doing great, Natalie. The fact that you moved to another country and are learning a new language is already something to be proud of. You know that many people don’t leave the U.S. because they’re afraid to engage with others in a different language. You’ve already done the hardest part. The Portuguese part, you’ll get there. My Spanish and English get messed up all the time. I have to keep practicing both languages every day, mostly by reading, to somehow stay proficient. It’s so hard, though.

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  6. Oh you go back and tell that 5-year-old to that you’re doing great Natalie! First, she’s got the advantage of, well, being five. Ha, ha. And secondly, you’re fighting the challenges of our youth. Languages just were never emphasized. I applaud you for trying to tackle so many different ones. I’ve picked up some spanish, but it’s such a tough road to travel on now. As I’ve gotten older, I feel like my ‘language wires’ have been cut. It’s definitely a challenge. And yes, you definitely want to make sure you use the right form of excited! Ha, ha.

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    • Brian, thank you so much for the encouragement! Yes, my “velha mente” (old mind) is not making this new-language stuff easy. I took French in school from the 4th grade to 10th grade. Six years, when my mind was young and fresh. Now, I can only remember how to say “ham” and “pen” fluently, neither of which came in handy during my trip to French-speaking (along with Arabic) Morocco.

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  10. You cracked me up as usual.  I have been here in Portugal for almost 4 years., I am 67 and  I suck at speaking but, I sure do understand it very well.  Part is the mistakes you mention like saying something else when I was talking about bread.  I am now learning Turkish because my new boyfriend is from there and he loves it when I say something in his langauge.  Keep up the practice and thank you for the smiles.

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    • Tanya, thank you so much! ❤️ I’d love to talk with you about your over-60 dating experience here. You go, girl! My sister-in-law is Turkish and the only word I’ve learned is the one for condoms, because it’s the same word in Portuguese.

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  12. So much to say…

    First of all, that photo of you on the Nile is muy bonita!

    Secondly, the difference between bica and bico and excited and horny can get someone in a lot of trouble (good or bad, I suppose lol).

    Third, I’m moving to Costa Rica in January, and I’m learning very quickly that there are 5,699 ways to say things in different dialects. A good friend of mine bought me a t-shirt that says, “Chingona.” Apparently, it means bad-ass woman in Mexican Spanish, but a whole lotta other “bad” things in other dialects 🤧

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