Argumentative Bitch. Expat. Immigrant. Introvert. Potty Mouth. Recluse. Recovering Social Media Avoider.

All of these labels continue to apply to me. All, that is, but one. I am no longer a recovering social media avoider. I have fallen off the wagon. I almost made it to my imaginary seven-year recovery chip. Almost. But I’ve gone back to my avoiding ways and saying NO to all social media.

It feels great. Such power, freedom, and precious time gained from a simple NO.

I was surprised to be invited to participate in a WordPress focus group here in Portugal this spring.

I never was a Facebook person, but I started an Instagram account in 2019 before embarking on my 70-day journey around the world as a first-time solo traveler. Friends suggested it, so they’d know I wasn’t dead. Then, in 2021, I added WordPress — with its follows, likes, comments, and algorithms — to my social media mix. I needed to create a website that engaged with people, as a required project for an online course in digital marketing I was auditing through the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School. Thus, www.thehotgoddess.com was born.

My presence on Instagram was not consistent and dwindled considerably over the last year. When IG’s AI technology suddenly decided — likely due to my random interaction behavior and even more random VPN locations — that I was not human, IG deleted my account. Even though their technology thought I wasn’t human, however, they still offered me a link to create a new Instagram account. Right. That’s a hard NO. And I haven’t missed it at all.

I constantly get IG and Facebook posts shared with me by friends via WhatsApp (another Meta platform I wish I could be done with), and I marvel at these friends’ incessant scrolling habits. Starting at 5 A.M. and continuing past midnight, they are consuming what appears to be a daily non-stop diet of videos, memes, and commentary. Yes, I appreciate the shares. Many are extremely funny, and I’ve even included them in THG posts. I just wonder, though, when one adds all the blogging and other social commentary sites/apps to the social media mix, when are folks not glued to a screen?

I was surprised to be invited to participate in a WordPress focus group here in Portugal this spring. I do not play nice with WP engagement algorithms either. I do not choose to post daily, but only weekly-ish, if it suits me. For the most part, THG readers are not other bloggers and WP members, so they don’t engage on WP’s social media platform. I don’t scroll or engage on the platform often either. I don’t participate in challenges or prompts. I don’t do anything I was taught to do in my digital marketing courses to increase engagement with my “brand.”

I was unable to attend the WP focus group here due to medical appointments. I wonder if any participants shared my same  frustration with the Jetpack app and WP’s Reader. I’m constantly having issues with posting content and comments. I exclusively use Reader to read other bloggers. If I have to click on a link to be redirected from Reader to a blogger’s website (one of the scads of digital marketing rules I don’t follow), then forget it. Too wonky. And what the hell is up with the sudden WP badges? I find Globetrotter and World Domination to be the funniest. I mean, we are on the World Wide Web. That’s the “www.” bit, right? Everybody’s blog is viewed in more than 150 countries.

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Saying No is Fun

I am enjoying some well-considered NOs in other areas as well.

I know there are benefits to pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones. Yeah, that’s how growth and self-discovery happen. I get it. I do try it. But if I don’t like it, I am good with saying a resounding NO the next go-round. Sometimes, perseverance can just not offer the ROI I’m seeking.

Take that group bike ride I wrote about last spring. I accompanied GB and his merry peloton of pedalers on a mountain bike ride in Esposende, Portugal. It was frightening, and I ended up quitting and calling an Uber halfway through. So, this month, when the same group did another ride in Chaves, Portugal, I said NO to the ride. Instead, I spent the day getting treatments in the famed thermal springs spa and sightseeing in the picturesque village. It was a lovely, relaxing day, despite the record 96°F heat.

There are also people I’m happy to choose to say NO to being around. Any WannaTraumaDrama-Be, MeToonista, FOMOFool, or arrogant, entitled IgnorExpat is high on my NO list. Nada. I will be polite, but I am not wasting time hanging out with folks I do not like. Sorry, não sorry. Simply no energy for other people’s bullsh*t. Oh, the peace and calm NO can bring.

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When Getting a No is Good

Being on the receiving end of a NO can be a good thing too. My medical appointments last month led to a biopsy this month, which resulted in a celebrated NO to cancer. YES to that result.

My adult son was struggling with debilitating health issues that prevented him from working and driving, and landed him in the hospital for several days. All tests came back NO to any structural organ problems and life-threatening disease. Thank goodness. He is now doing much better and has happily returned to work. The focus now is on managing a diagnosis of dysautonomia caused by Long COVID. I am hopeful he will say YES to the science-based techniques I also embrace for regulating the autonomic nervous system, and say NO to the troubling side effects of Big Pharma’s money-making drug cocktails.

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Another Yes

There’s another YES I’m hopeful about. GB and I agreed to get an apartment in Lisbon together. Yep. We now have our own pied-à-terre we share in the city. He still lives in the house he owns on the Silver Coast, and I still live in my oceanfront townhouse rental. The key to making this arrangement work is saying NO to living together full time. We both cherish our respective solitary coastal retreats. And now, we’re also loving saying YES to spending time having fun in our shared city getaway.

NO doubt about it, despite its rollercoaster of ups then downs, challenges, frights, and annoyances, life is good. I am grateful.

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Thank you for reading! ❤️ May your weekend find you saying NO to what doesn’t serve you and YES to what brings you joy and moves you forward.

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All images are my own.

The Hot Goddess

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