the hot goddess

Midlife Bugging Out in Portugal

One of the big draws of living in Portugal is its temperate climate. I am not a fan of tropical climes, with their excessive heat, humidity, and giant bugs.

In some countries, huge “bugs” are so plentiful they are eaten as snacks. I couldn’t even bring myself to hold one of these delicacies for a selfie in Thailand.

There’s probably a diagnostic code somewhere for my extreme aversion to insects, arachnids, and the horrifying arthropods centipedes and millipedes. Arachnophobia (fear of spiders) and  entomophobia (fear of insects) are real. In Portuguese, the words are aracnofobia and  entomofobia.

For my purposes, all of these fuckers creatures of Mother Nature are referred to as “bugs.” In addition, microscopic bacteria and viruses, aka germs, fall under my “bug” umbrella.

Spring Cleaning

The vernal equinox occurred here in the early hours of Wednesday this week, a day early due to Leap Year. The bug brigade, however, had already leaped into action, with germs leading the pack as wintertime overachievers. Bastards.

When I clean, I’m going for hospital clean. Crime-scene/haz-mat cleanup clean. I’m not trying to send germs to a day spa with herbal aromatherapies. I use essential oils for scent, not cleaning. My cleaning goal is to kill germs, not relax them, and that means bleach. Lixívia in Portuguese. I use so much bleach that if I don’t include it in my supermarket delivery order, my usual personal shopper/delivery person will ask, “Não queres lixívia também?” (Don’t you want bleach too?).

I’m happy to say I’m in good company here, where my Portuguese neighbors and acquaintances love to clean and love to use bleach. When they clean house (which, I’ve observed, can be nearly every day), they also love to shake/beat and hang/drape their rugs — large and small — outside. Bedding also gets the frequent outdoor-airing-out treatment, with large, puffy duvets and bedspreads often draped over patio furniture, balcony railings, or even spread out on the grass in their yards.

What. The. Foda?! While the thinking is that the sun’s UV rays will kill germ-variety bugs, and the fresh (but not really Clean clean) air will remove odors, what about the Bug bugs that take a liking to your bedding and rugs? The creepy-crawly bugs. The ones that can bite and stain. And don’t even get me started on springtime bird shit. Sorry, environment, I just can’t get into this particular practice.

https://www.theportugalnews.com/news/2024-03-22/dust-cloud-engulfing-portugal/87145
My backyard this morning, with a faint golden haze due to Saharan dust that hid the ocean from view.
Folks here are taking a break from hanging stuff outside at the moment. Bugs are one thing, but desert dust is another.

The top two photos are from
The Portugal News.

Laundry Daze

Doing laundry is another near-daily activity, thanks to washing machines here that have a total load capacity of two pairs of socks, three panties, and a short-sleeved shirt. It’s because of the abovementioned bug and bird mess that I’ve stopped hanging my laundry outside to dry. Sadly, I’ve found one too many tiny spiders lurking in the folds of some piece of freshly washed and outdoor-dried clothing. Nope. Not having it. I’m done.

Nothing works faster. Believe me.

Source: Unknown

Buggy Business

I suppose bugs have become an accepted part of life here because window and door screens are not a thing. I knew this from my travels to Europe, so I brought my own magnetic screens with me when I moved here. I installed them first thing, hours after arriving. Right after I cleaned the downstairs bathroom with the “emergency” cleaning supplies I’d packed.

The Portuguese and Brazilian folks I know who live here leave doors and windows open all the time. It is important to get fresh air circulating throughout a home here, year-round, because of interior humidity and potential mold issues. In some households, smoking and stinky fishy fragrant cooking can require open windows/doors. All this openness leads to lots of you-know-what. Bugs, bugs, bugs everywhere in the house. My neighbors and acquaintances swat and spray away. Yikes. I choose my screens as a preventive measure, and use insecticide plug-ins, spray, or a fly swatter for the bugs that sneak inside. The rare (so far) large(ish) spider that makes its way into my home requires slightly different handling.

Spray. Cover. Weight down.
Invite friend over to have him discard remains.

My fear of/aversion to bugs has been a death sentence for my plants. The minute I notice crawling or flying critters on a leaf, blossom, stem, or the soil of a houseplant, it’s over. That plant is taken to the garbage bin outside or placed outdoors, far away from any entry points into the house, until it invariably dies and then is trashed. Yep. I’m the plant murderer. For this reason, I’m in love with artificial plants.

No bugs here.

Don’t you just love it when a coaster gets you?

I do have some live plants that have hung on, including a poinsettia from December 2022 that is reblooming. This is amazing to me because my Christmas poinsettias in the States never lasted past January. An orchid from IKEA — a replacement for one I threw away due to bugs — has rebloomed too.  A few outdoor potted plants that I’ve sprayed the shit out of thoroughly sprayed with insecticide are doing pretty well also. But we’ll all agree that I didn’t miss my calling as a gardner, right?

Still living and growing.
My real orchid is motivated by her neighboring poser fake permanent orchids.
My messy but ready-for-spring work table this morning. No bugs.

Thank you for reading (and not judging, LOL) ❤️🌸🕷. May your weekend find you smiling and fearless.

Smiling, tired, and fearless-ish

All images are my own, except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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35 comments

  2. Oh boy, I’ve gone the opposite of you, Natalie! A bug used to earn an immediate death sentence at my house and a spider would send me screaming from the room. I don’t know what happened but lately I find myself trying to capture any indoor bugs and then carefully placing them back in nature WHERE THEY ACTUALLY BELONG. Who am I anymore? I don’t know either.

    Anyways, I feel incredibly guilty now when I end up squishing any bugs instead of taking great pains to move them outside. I might have an inner Buddhist that is trying to come out??? LOL!

    The airing of bed linens and letting fresh air flow through the house might be a European thing. Dutch people do it too, at all times of the year. (At least they used to – not sure if modern Dutchies keep up the practice…)That’s how I was raised – my mom would air our blankets out the windows almost every morning and let the cold air blast through our house for at least an hour a day, even on frigid Ontario winter days.

    I don’t do it every day, but if the weather is fair I will bring my down comforter outdoors and hang it up to air it out, and hopefully get some sun sanitization at the same time.

    Deb

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    • Deb, I so want to be you in my next life ❤️. I thought of you when I wrote the gardner line. I am fine with bugs outside. Except mosquitoes. And disgusting flies on my food. And stinging wasps. And spiders swinging into my hair. 😝 I’m a big fan of year-round fresh air inside my home. Can’t imagine it without screens, though. You are an inspiring badass in every way!

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  3. I’m with you on the bugs thing, well actually more spiders than all bugs but I’m no fan of anything creepy or crawly. I love to open my doors & windows in the spring (after the pollen has subsided) but no way I would do it without screens!! I have one real plant in my house and it was a gift otherwise it’s all artificial. Surprisingly that plant still lives today although I frequently forget to water it 🥴

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  5. too funny. I don’t like bugs either but not quite to your aversion. I don’t mind killing spiders; ants in the house drives me crazy. I usually send bugs to a watery grave via flushing them down the toilet.

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  6. Omg this was hilarious. I hate bugs as well. The second I see one I have to run to get the bug spray and kill it instantly added with a couple screams of course hahaha! UGH they give me goosebumps. I try to spray at least once a week around the house plus I have that house defense spray that I spray outside the house border to make sure they don’t even try to come in haha And airing is definitely a European thing and I try to keep the windows open as well, with screens of course! My mom’s from Brazil and she’s very big on keeping things open as well which is where I probably get that airing mentality since I was little. I think is a good thing to keep things circulating and fresh in the house as we all should. Love those coasters hahaha! Have a great weekend yourself! 🙂

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    • 💜 We are in the same tribe, Melissa! I can’t even imagine living without screens because I hate bugs in my home and love fresh air in my home.
      Glad you like the coasters. They are favorites that made the short list of things I packed from my U.S. house.

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  11. You are so damn funny! Seriously! 😂 No judgment from me. That first graphic is hilarious! Bugs and spiders don’t bother me, but I understand. 🦋 You would be a hoot to hang out with! 🥂 Thanks for the laughs, Natalie.

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  12. Not judging you at all, Natalie. 😀 Because I’m also a plant murderer by always forgetting to water plants. The only living plants in our home are those that can look after themselves, otherwise IKEA is the saviour.

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  15. As always, love your blog, Natalie. 

    Bugs: Decades ago, while in Kathmandu for work purposes, I had an encounter with bed bugs. The hotel had a musty smell and after going to my room for the night, I pulled back the bed sheets where I was greeted with an impressive gathering of bed bugs. I quickly gathered my belongings, went down to the front desk, asked for a taxi , and advised that I was checking out. It was at least 10:00 p.m., but I didn’t care that it was dark outside and that I was in an unfamiliar place. I knew I couldn’t remain there, not even for one night.

    More recently, a neighbor shared with me that she had traveled to Cleveland and stayed in a hotel. When she returned home she noticed bug bites on her body. Sure enough, she had bed bugs. It took about three weeks and a couple thousand/plus bucks to get rid of the pests.

    Airing out comforters, duvet covers, quilts, etc is definitely a European thing. When I lived in Stockholm, my Swedish neighbors would spread their bed coverings on the balcony for a few hours, usually on a weekend day.

    I hate bugs, rodents and wildlife. One day I will share my flying squirrel story.

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  17. Oh my gosh, European fridges and washers so tiny. I was laughing in recognition at the “total load capacity of two pairs of socks, three panties, and a short-sleeved shirt” that filled the washer!

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