the hot goddess

Stop Doing These 3 Things to Be Happier in Midlife, Retirement, a New Country, or a New Year

Forget New Year’s resolutions and magic and words of the year. I’ve found that cutting out just three things will open up a world of possibilities, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing in life.

1

Stop being afraid of looking stupid.

This has robbed me of so much joy, so much new learning, so much memory-making in my life. Not anymore. Yeah, I can still hesitate to try something I don’t know in a crowd of strangers, but now I have learned to face down that fear of looking like an idiot. Now, as an over-60 solo expat in Portugal, I “look stupid” on a regular basis, and not just with learning to speak the language. What I’ve discovered is that, while the neurotic, self-conscious, perfectionist child in me feels dumb, in actuality, I don’t look dumb or stupid or anything. Because nobody is looking. Nobody gives a shit about what I’m doing when I’m doing it. They’re all worrying about what they’re doing. Such a simple and liberating realization. That thing you want to learn or try or do? Just do it.

Photo taken at Windwood Walls in Miami, Florida

2

Stop taking things personally.

This is related to number one, and I’m still working on it. I always think a person’s negative behavior or reaction — action that I perceive as negative — has something to do with me. I did something, or they don’t like me. I then proceed to invest ridiculous amounts of time and brain space in the creation of scenarios in my head. I make up stories to tell myself about what must be the cause of another person’s actions. The stories even include dialog (sometimes in Portuguese). I play these explanatory story tapes on an endless loop until my brain believes them as facts. Of course, in reality, they are not facts.

“Living an authentic life involves separating truth from fiction. The storylines we create and play back about ourselves and others are a kind of realistic fiction. Fiction pieced together from bits of fact and lots of fear-based filler that create a false reality we mistake for truth. Recognizing and stopping these stories are key to claiming power and finding joy.”

~ The Hot Goddess

In reality, most of the time other people’s actions have zero to do with us and everything to do with what’s going on in their lives. Nothing evaporates joy faster than putting yourself into a bad mood with an imagined scenario. Although there have been a few triggering events since I moved to Portugal, I have made great progress with putting the brakes on this destructive BS by following these steps. The person who didn’t say hello to you this morning? It wasn’t about you.

3

Stop following The Rules.

I’m not talking about laws and government regulations. Obviously, we should obey laws and, especially as an immigrant/expatriate, follow all regulations set forth by a government. Nobody wants to be jailed, fined, or kicked out of a country. (Though, here in Portugal, many people do not follow the clearly posted municipal laws requiring dogs to be leashed. I would like those people to be fined. Or jailed.) The rules I’m referring to are those pieces of conventional wisdom about how things should be done. The rules to follow for being a successful blogger, influencer, writer, entrepreneur…whatever. The rules to follow for a successful retirement. The rules to follow for being productive. And on and on.

Source unknown

I have become much happier by not following other people’s “rules.” I could not care less about algorithms. I don’t do anything you’re supposed to do as a blogger. I don’t give a hoot about how other people say things should be done (unless it involves my residency in a foreign country). I do what feels right and works for me and the life I want. What feels right for you in your life? Try it.

Stop being afraid of looking stupid. Stop taking things personally. Stop following the rules. These are simple things yet each can be difficult to do and sustain. It’s been a long journey of baby steps and slip-ups for me, but the payoff has been a happier, more joyful life heading into my senior years. And the journey continues.

The Rules suggest I should be doing something else at this time of day, instead of sitting on my butt in the January sun enjoying a beverage by the beach. Oh well. Works for me.

Thank you for reading! ❤️ May your weekend find you smiling contently among scattered broken rules.

All images are my own, except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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47 comments

  2. Some very good, and simple, examples for achieving a happy life, Natalie. I find that these things are much easier to do as we age. One of the several positives about getting older, not caring so much what other people think! 😊

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  5. I loved my parents. They taught me to be kind and respectful. They taught me a lot of good things, but one thing I’ve had to unlearn over the years is to follow the rules. You are so right. It’s best to follow the beat of your own drummer. Love these messages. Might have to blog more about this. Thank you for the great advice Natalie. Spot on!

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    • Thank you so much for your kind comment, Brian! I have always been a rule-follower thanks to my parents, too. I still struggle with implied rules here. When I’m hiking and come across a sign that reads, “Private Property,” I don’t walk through or on that property. But, without exception, my (non-American) hiking companions will proceed walking on that private property. Two different companions on two different hikes remarked, “You’re not in America anymore. You won’t get shot.”
      Oomph.

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  9. Excellent advice! Thank you so much. I feel so seen right now haha! These exact same things do hold me back at times as well so thanks for the reminder to keep trying to live our authentic selves as best we can! Will definitely check out that book, Chatter. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for reading, Tanya! ❤️ I appreciate your comment and am happy you are smiling and laughing along with me. Cheers to a 2025 of continuing peace and freedom in our Portugal homes. ✨️❤️✨️

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  11. I am concentrating all my efforts on #2 because I am certainly not good at not taking things personally.

    I embraced looking stupid in my early 50’s when I overheard my wife laughing while I was struggling at a party trying to keep up with my gymnast nieces on a trampoline. I was initially upset when I heard her say, “What I have always loved about Geoff is that he is not afraid to make a fool of himself!” On reflection, I accepted the compliment and have become quite good at looking stupid!

    I have never been good at following rules but aging makes it increasingly easier to ignore conventions!

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  12. I love these, especially number 3: Stop following the rules. I’m thinking of family unwritten rules and traditions that don’t lead to anything except wasting your life. Break the mold and reach for the sky.

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  14. So much wisdom in this post. I especially like the tip about not being afraid to look stupid. (This coming from a guy who wore his tidy whities over his pants on Backwards Day at school.) 😊

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  15. Yes exactly! We could be related! I’m on a similar journey and appreciate you taking the time to itemize this topic here in your blog.

    I thought about this topic when I wrote a thing on substack involving sheep. Not literal sheep, but the act of following a crowd blindly, sticking with the status quo to be “like them” when “they” are too busy to worry about themselves… What is it that you really want? Why the obsession to fit in or worry about judgement?

    If you’re interested you can read it here.
    https://open.substack.com/pub/writerofwordsetc/p/the-never-ending-mass-exodus-on-social?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1vzt2w

    Happy New Year American-in-Portugal.
    🥰🇨🇦

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  16. I love your nuggets of advice, they’re so accurate! I incorporated all 3 into my life a few years ago and the release and relief from so much worry and beating myself up has been quantifiable and measurable. I used to twist myself i to knots, and when I learned that was an identifier of people who have been severely criticized, I set out to change that as I didn’t want those people to continue to have power over me or to take up real estate space in my head. I hope 2025 will be the year more people will find release!

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