the hot goddess

Midlife Warning Signs: One Thing I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

How many times have you sensed something was wrong? Felt warning signs of impending trouble? Felt The Universe communicating to you that something was amiss? Picked up signals that the thing you had or wanted was not meant for you?

How many times have you embraced and heeded these signs as warning messages from your intuition? Tuning in to and becoming more aware of our intuition is a good thing, right? Intuition is a gift, and using it is powerful.

But what if it isn’t really your intuition? What if you haven’t been predicting or sensing outcomes, but creating those outcomes by your actions and reactions?

I wish I could go back in time and tell my 20-year-old self that a lot of what she will chalk up to her “intuition” will actually be her insecurity talking, and it will lead her down a path of recurring self-sabotage and self-fulfilling prophecies.

Source: QuotesBook.com

The “signs” and “evidence” we read through a lens of “intuition” are first filtered through a medium of our unique experiences and self-image. If we are insecure, fear is our primary filter medium, and it will completely alter the composition of what your intuition is reading.

Intuition comes from a place of confidence, power, and strength. Insecurity comes from a place of fear and doubt.

What if it isn’t really your intuition speaking to you?
What if you haven’t been predicting or sensing outcomes, but creating those outcomes by your own actions and reactions?

The Hot Goddess

If only I’d realized this in my 20s. Instead, I spent decades tuning in to what I thought was my intuition, and then bemoaning the fact that I “ignored” said intuition and ended up with the negative outcome I “intuited” all along. Of course, I wasn’t ignoring my “intuition.” I played the negative messages over and over in my head, and reacted by making behavior choices that ensured the bad outcomes would eventually occur.

These self-fulfilling prophecies create a cycle of failure fed by insecurity, fear, and doubt. A self-fulfilling prophecy is so dangerous because it’s a double-edged sword — one side I Told You So and the other I Made It So.  It’s a tough pattern to break.

To be clear, I am not referring to the intuition that picks up red-flag signs of danger, abuse, addiction, narcissism, or other disorder. Yes, they can be frightening, but paying attention to these red-flag warning signs — early on — and following your instinct to walk away comes from a place of strength and power, not fear. That is intuition, and I wish my 20-year-old self had trusted in hers the way I trust and follow mine now.

Our intuition can save our lives, protect our finances, and guard our happiness and well-being. Our insecurity can throw us on an endless loop of fear-induced self-fulfilling prophecies.

Absent a clear red-flag warning sign, I would tell my 20-year-old self to stop and ask herself two questions when she thinks her intuition is telling her a negative message:

“Am I afraid?”

“What am I afraid of?”

If she answers “yes” to the first question, her answer(s) to the second question will let her know if she’s dealing with insecurity or intuition.

From my 20s on into my 60s, my answers to the second question have included being afraid of rejection, failure, looking stupid, or not being liked. My “intuition” was really just insecurity, feeding me negative messages that reflected my fears. At 66, though, I can better distinguish insecure fear from powerful intuition. I’m much better at taming fear, taking action from a position of strength, and preventing insecurity from launching me into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Much better, but not all the way there all the time. Like many of us, I continue to be a work in progress.

Now, as an over-60 retired woman who moved solo to a foreign country, I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self that most of what she’s tuned in to is the voice of insecurity, not intuition. I wish I could hold her hand, giving her the confidence to listen to what really is intuition that could save her from true harm. I wish I could tell her it gets so much better. I wish I could tell her this is coming.

What about you? How do you tell the difference between intuition and insecurity? Was there ever a time you confused the two? What advice would you give your younger self about this?

What are your thoughts about this?

A version of this post was first published on THG in August 2021. Thank you for reading! ❤️ May your weekend find you feeling secure in who you are.

All images are my own except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

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15 comments

  1. A very interesting and thought provoking post!

    Fear affecting intuition? Yes very possible, and that may well turn a possibility into a “No, not right now, for me” for some people.

    My daughter and I have learned to listen to our intuition and we’re teaching the kids the benefits of it too, but also to sit and look at what’s happening and why we’re getting that feeling.

    We ask each other, are you feeling this too? If it’s just me, or am I feeling fearful? What would happen if I did xyz? We like to talk it through ahead of time and often we see the actual potential for something not working out or working out, when we really take a good look at all the parts.

    This type of communication helps us to solidify the validity of our intuition when things play out as our intuition said. Other times we get to see that it was our fear blocking us. It’s a useful method to be able to look more at our own shadows and see where our unhealed parts still remain.

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  2. Insightful, Natalie. You have given me things to think about. Over the years, I have come to figure out what my “gut feeling” is telling me. If my “gut feeling” is accompanied by heart palpitations and sweaty hands, I know that it’s just fear, and I try to push through it and do things anyway. But if I have a “gut feeling” without those physical symptoms, then I know I need to think it through very carefully until I can make a decision that seems right to me. I’ve actually been thinking through something for the last two years, a family matter, and I’m not going to make a decision until it feels right. Family and friends are pushing me hard to get involved, but I’m unwilling to proceed just because they are pushing. Their track record is not the best, so that weighs heavily on my reasons not to follow their advice. I think an answer will come to me at some point, so in the meantime, I will sit on it.

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    • From your blogging, I know you are a wise and insightful person. I bet your evaluation and decision-making process leads you to the right answers more often than not, Edward. Good for you for standing firm in the face of pressure from family and friends. That’s not easy to do, I know.

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      • Thank you, Natalie. My track record isn’t too bad, far from perfect, of course. At this point in my life, I’m realizing that sitting with a decision for a few days opens up opportunities that weren’t there at the start. It’s a beautiful thing when we don’t rush or follow the crowd. OMG, family can be a pain sometimes!

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