I’m trying out a thing here where I post serious, “inspirational” stuff on Motivation Monday(ish) and lighter humor on Fun Friday. Today’s fun post is about sex, and if you think I didn’t overthink the f*ck out of this you are wrong, wrong, wrong. “Will people think I’m writing about threesomes?” That dumbass worry lurked as I chose this featured image of me at a temple in Bali — because it evokes “healing” to me, and is decidedly unsexy. Anyway, this post is not about threesomes. The “hot” in The Hot Goddess refers to the hot flashes of a 61-year-old woman who’s wondering when the “post” part of post-menopause is going to finally kick in. This ain’t the “hot sex” chronicles of an old ho (though I do celebrate and admire every old ho out there, and think it a worthy aspiration💜).
Earlier this week I was able to do two of my favorite things: take a walk in the sunshine, and hang out with an old friend who cracks me up. We’ve known each other since kindergarten, so I cherish her. Not many of us have friendships that have spanned 56 years. We may not get together for long stretches of time, but whenever we do she can make me laugh until I cry.
This day was no different, as the conversation unexpectedly veered to vibrating underwear. Yes, vibrating panties. Vibrating panties with Bluetooth remote controls. And some with phone app controls. Damn. Am I the last person to know about these?
Needless to say, this is gamechanging AF. I was dying as we laughed about the usefulness of these babies during boring Zoom meetings, or when you need to stay calm and smiling heading into a confrontational discussion. Of course, sufficient background noise would be essential for masking any audible buzzing, humming, or…other muffled (or not) sounds.
Don’t you think we’d all benefit from wearing these bad boys all day? Just imagine the reduction in anger from overreacting or taking things personally. We’d all be too relaxed and satisfied to get pissed off. “Oh hey, did you just push in front of me to grab the last $3.99 bottle of Syrah at Aldi’s? No worries. It’s all good. Namaste.”
Wearing vibrating underwear should absof*ckinglutely be mandatory prior to participating in any activity where the potential for elevated stress and/or bullsh*t is high. Teacher “professional development” sessions; standing in line to get a “compliant” drivers license at the BMV; or waiting your turn to get inside Trader Joe’s. (What’s up with that?)
Will these pleasure panties make it through airport security? If so, they are now my number-one wearable travel accessory. Flight delays? No problem. Long lines? It’s cool. A**holes who think they don’t have to follow the rules onboard a plane? I’m chill. Yep, when I start traveling again in 2022 I’m going to be grinning for all kinds of reasons.
For now, my mind is blown thinking of the applications for cardio multitasking. Empress Chakra Wanda and Hoopyogini have me wanting to take up hoolahooping. Put on a pair of these panties first, and that hoop will be on auto-pilot. Oh yeah, these panties will transform my daily exercise routine for sure. Check this out:
We all need exercise, laughter, and good friends to stay physically and mentally healthy. And now, I’m adding a good pair of vibrating panties to that list. (They’re available for men, too.)
Happy Friday! May your weekend be filled with laughter and silliness. And at least one good orgasm💜.
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