If you’ve been reading The Hot Goddess for any length of time — pre- or post-move to Portugal — you know I tell it like it is. Reader feedback such as, “I love how you keep it real,” and “I love how you share everything, warts and all,” is the most gratifying for me. Unfiltered authenticity is what this blog is all about.

I’ve written here and in other posts about things going wrong…or, more accurately, not going my way. This is another one of those posts, but I will share some resource links near the end that future and current expats may find helpful.

August. Ugh.

In my last post, a Midlife Expat Learning article on healthcare in Portugal, I wrote about getting treatment for a persistent bladder infection. Side effects from the strongest antibiotic dosage I’ve ever taken were debilitating and lingered long after I wrote that article. Thank goodness I am fine now. Did you know that post-menopausal women have an increased susceptibility to recurring bladder infections? This is because decreased levels of estrogen lead to changes in the lining of the bladder, which result in a change in the urinary microbiome. Something else for midlife women expats to unpack when moving to a foreign country. At least here in Portugal I had easy access to fast, affordable, and efficient healthcare.

Next, I’ll also be navigating a major hospital system here with an appointment at its dermatology center for a skin cancer biopsy. I’ll report back on that experience and share any new learning in a future post.

Sun here is brutal. I wear the strongest sunscreen I can find. I used to be able to buy 100 SPF sunblock but can’t find that now. I wear hats and stay in shade whenever possible on my walks. I never sit out on a beach or by a pool sunning. But a person is more likely to get melanoma if a family member has had it, or if they’ve ever suffered a severe, blistering sunburn. My father had several melanoma removals during his life. And, in my dumb-ass 20s, during a trip to the Bahamas, I stupidly basted myself in baby oil while floating in a pool by the ocean on a cloudless day. I cooked myself like fried chicken in oil all day, and ended up with sun poisoning and second-degree blistering burns over my face and body. Surprisingly, I healed without any scarring after antibiotics and ointments. Now, 40 years later, I may be paying another price for that tanning stupidity.

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Portugal’s gorgeous, sunny beaches bring throngs of tourists in August. (Many of them turning into beef jerky as they lounge in swimsuits, tanning in the blazing sun all day.) I have become a grumpy local, for sure. I’ve started to hate tourists. Yes, I used the “H” word. I hate many tourists’ loud, disrespectful, arrogant ways. I hate the way they’ve transformed my peaceful village oasis into a party zone teeming with altercations and boorish behavior. I can feel my stress rising to U.S. levels. Almost. OK, not that bad, but still. I’m done ranting. Sorry. (Not sorry.)

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August also brings local festivals. Every day. For every Saint you’ve never heard of. These neighborhood festivals are packed with locals and any tourists who happen to be nearby. Food, music, displays, performances, and fireworks abound. I was not feeling well enough to go to any of the festivals around here, but I did manage to make it to one beach bar sunset DJ event and an “Acid Disney” beach parade after pesky med side effects had finally stopped sidelining me. I will say I had a ton of fun at these two events, but once is enough for me. I am too old for this shit, and needed several days of recovery time after each outing. Ouch.

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Housing Humbug

I also tried to buy a house. An oceanfront townhouse in an area that rarely sees homes for sale. Real estate information and price history are not transparent here as in the U.S., where anyone can find out just about anything on a property just by knowing how to use the Internet.

Documents you need to request include:
. Caderneta Predial (registration at Finanças)
. Certidão Permanente Predial (deeds office registery)
. Licença de Habitação (occupational license)
. Certificado Energético (Energy efficency certificate)
. Certificate from a condominium stating that all fees are up to date with nothing outstanding.

In addition, I request the written minutes of any condominium association meetings going back at least a year, to see if there’s an adequate reserve fund and to review assessment history.

When deciding on an offer, of course you’ll need to consider any monthly HOA fees and annual property taxes (IMI), both of which are typically drastically lower than in the U.S. But there’s also something here called a one-time property transfer tax (IMT) that is paid by the buyer upon sale. It can be up to 8 percent of the purchase price for a primary residence. Possibly more for a vacation home or rental property.

Calculate IMI

Calculate IMT

Helpful article about changes to real estate taxes in Portugal (in Portuguese)

Apparently, making an offer to purchase a property here first starts with just a phone call, text, or email. If an offer is accepted it then can proceed to a legal contract with a 10-percent or more deposit, which does not go into an escrow account but goes directly to the seller. What the hell? Once a seller gets the deposit they must take the property off the market and cannot accept any other offers. If they renege, a seller must refund double the deposit. I’m told a buyer may choose to forego this deposit step and go directly to deed signing. In this case, though, there is a risk that the seller may choose another offer before the deed is signed. Please note that this is my understanding of what was explained to me by agents and property-owning Portuguese friends. I found this article, which seems to concur. Consult a real estate lawyer or expert to ensure the most current and accurate information.

There were four offers on the home I wanted to purchase. I made an all-cash offer above asking price, contingent on a home inspection. The sellers, who live in another European country, chose another offer after almost two weeks of stressful waiting. Two weeks.

Had my offer been accepted, I then would’ve engaged the services of an attorney to move forward. I lost the home to an investor from yet another European country, who offered the same cash price as I did but without an inspection contingency. No way I’m buying a property without an inspection, so I’m content now. It’s for the best. It wasn’t meant to be. All financial planning calculators agree that renting will leave me with more money for my heirs at the end of my plan than buying. A friend and advisor reminded me to factor in the “Happiness Quotient” for both outcomes. Not buying gives me the happiness of freedom and travel and change. Still, I was disappointed. Really, I was just pissed I lost to some foreigner who isn’t even going to live in the house. That’s exactly how Portuguese residents rightly feel as they continue to be squeezed out of housing options. I realized I was being a spoiled American and got over it.

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Happy Days

Humor is my best medicine. Laughter is life. Here’s what had me giggling during this stressful period, courtesy of my expanding tribe (original sources unknown):

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I ended this stressful month with big smiles and family time, with my “family” here. A double birthday pool party, hiking, and a lunch outing with my neighbors who treat me like family. I belong where I am. I am home.

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All images are my own, except as noted.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

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