the hot goddess

Midlife Mud & Metacognition in Portugal

A version of this post was first published on THG in 2022.

Metacognition was one of two vocabulary words I’d teach my second- and third-graders the first week of school. The other word was persevere. These words established the norms for our classroom. Thinking about one’s thinking — and not giving up — set the stage for each year of learning.

Using the Frayer model for learning new vocabulary, young students would write examples and non-examples of metacognition. Their examples included “explaining how you got the answer to a (math) story problem.” Non-examples included “copying your answer from somebody.” One of my favorite examples was “trying to explain to (the school principal) what you were thinking when you hit (a classmate).”

A book of advice from third-graders to the president of the United States included this gem: “Always remember to show your work and explain your thinking!”

“I have the patience to wait until my mud settles and my water is clear.”

Davidji on Insight Timer

Metacognition is critical when trying to sift through the sediment that mucks up our lives. Understanding our thinking — what we’re telling ourselves, what we’re really feeling, and our motivations — is not an easy or quick task. Meditation and journaling are tools that can help us tap into the mother lode of subconscious connections that inform our choices and actions. Meditation, with its requisite stillness, is difficult for me. The free guided meditations on Insight Timer are an aid I use (sometimes with unexpected results), and I’ve added the guided meditations of Davidji to my morning practice.

Thinking about our own thinking, and challenging or questioning those thoughts, requires patience and commitment and effort. Mud takes a while to settle. Clarity can be elusive, especially when we filter our thoughts through past hurts and future predictions.

“I agree that I cannot step into the past to change it. I agree that I cannot step into the future to force it.”

Davidji on Insight Timer

In giving myself permission to live an authentic life, I understand that copying someone else’s answer to living will only cheat me of the life that’s right for me. Our authentic life is on the other side of a deep understanding of who we are, what we want, and why. Thinking about my thinking revealed patterns of self-sabotage and self-critical storytelling that I’m still trying to address. It’s a journey. One that I continue to navigate here in my “new” life in Portugal. The silt, sand, and soil of my 65 years haven’t settled yet. There will always be some sudden disturbance that stirs up our sediment, but being mindful of our thinking aids the settling. Our water runs clearer as it flows down rocky streams of thought into a pool of understanding.

A school of tiny fish swim in the clear waters of a tide pool in Esposende, Portugal.

I am not a patient person. I want my answers yesterday. I want clarity and understanding now. But, as with anything worth doing, thinking about your thinking takes time. Sifting through your thoughts as you slog through the mud in your mind can be messy, painful, dirty work. You will stumble, backtrack, and lose your way. Searching for clear waters takes time and perseverance. Examining your thought processes can reveal and silence the asshole voice in your head, and lead to a newfound sense of peace and self-awareness. Metacognition can set the stage for the most important learning of all. Learning to be yourself.

Learning to be myself is my most gratifying work-in-progress since I moved solo to Portugal in 2022.

“I give myself permission to show up right now as my best, most brilliant, most creative expression of myself.”

Davidji on Insight Timer

Unpacking Your Thinking Can Reveal:

  • Emotional fault lines that trip up your thoughts.
  • Negative influences from a voice that doesn’t serve you.
  • Fear masquerading as fact.
  • Distorted perception from buried trauma.
  • Default thinking that needs to be reset.

What about you? What discoveries have you made by unpacking your thinking?

Thank you for reading ❤️. May your weekend find you thinking thoughts that serve you well.

All images are my own.

The Hot Goddess

Instagram: retired_rewired_inspired

If you enjoyed this please remember to Share, Like, Follow, Comment, Subscribe. (This is my “call to action” I’m supposed to include in every post. Thanks so much for your support!) ❤

Copyright ©️ 2021-2025 thehotgoddess.com. All rights reserved.

24 comments

  1. I love this! I’ve learned to keep an observer’s position most of the time and to not jump in too quickly. This allows me time to gather all the facts and not just the ones that present themselves at the beginning, and often I find lies masquerading as the truth in the beginning.

    This learned approach in my own life has allowed me to remain calmer and not jump in with both feet emotionally and then later find out I had overreacted.

    Course correction is harder when we’ve emotionally invested in a direction, so seeing how something plays out is quite helpful.

    It isn’t being disloyal. Emotional immaturity demands an immediate allegiance. Emotional maturity allows oneself to see both or all sides of an issue, without the need to jump in too quickly declaring a team side.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Well stated, Tamara, and wise advice. Taking time to let my mud settle often reveals faulty “facts” in my thinking. I still need to remind myself to take this time and space, though. I am better at it than I used to be. Thank you for sharing your wisdom ❤️.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Sometimes the seemingly easiest solutions are the hardest learned! For me anyway! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh boy did this resonate with me! I have issues with self-sabotage (ahem, lack of exercise and eating well) and I also want my answers “NOW!”. I’ve tried meditation and journaling in the past without success. I’ll look into Insight Timer and Davidji – hopefully I’m in a better place now (older, wiser?😂)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. When my youngest granddaughter Zofia was in Kindergarten she came home and told me she was a copier. When I asked what she meant, she said she copied off of Ashleigh’s paper. I did not overreact and calmly asked what her teacher thought about that. Zofia replied, “Oh, she doesn’t like it at all.” Maybe she was testing to see if I was okay with it so she could ignore her teacher!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. Learning about perseverance at an early age is critical because children can also be taught to give up easily when something doesn’t go right the first time. It’s one of the most valuable life skills they can learn at school.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. Oh this is so good, Natalie. It reminds me of the phrase from Albert Einstein, “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

    I’ve definitely learned not to believe everything I think. Learning to be oneself – so powerful!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Wynne ❤️! Changing my thinking, and remembering to continue questioning that thinking, has been challenging. Baby steps of understanding on the journey to becoming one’s true self.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  9. What an amazing teacher you were and still are! Wonderful metaphor and inspiration. Thank you very much for sharing your experiences and guidance. Appreciate you! 💕 Beautiful photos!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment